using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
there is glitter all over my balls
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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