Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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