All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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