Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
