he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
