My room smells like vodka and shame
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
