If you die in college, do you die in real life?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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