I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
