She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm getting married
To pizza
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
