having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
