do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
