I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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