Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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