My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I want her autograph on my taint
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
