I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
