Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
