It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
