I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
