if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
