There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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