Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
