I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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