Don't EVER smell your tampon
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
