When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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