Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
