youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
