I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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