Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
