It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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