I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
