you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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