So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
