Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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