I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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