they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
