Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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