Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
