Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
