I wish i was in the wii world.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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