**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
