i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
