I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
