How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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