I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
