She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
