Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
