I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
