You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
