I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just pee around me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize