The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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