Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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