I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
