once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
