Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
