i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize