My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
