is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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