Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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