He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why did my mother make you get naked?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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