When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
