She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
