Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
