his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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