Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sorry about my life...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
