Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just pee around me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
