Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
