Even the bartender felt bad for me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
