my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You had me at "let me see your balls"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
