My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
