Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she smelled like a LAN party
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
