Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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