dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
