shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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